This October I will be 45 years old. I have been a mother for 19 years and a wife for 20 years. I often sit and reflect on things that I have overcome and how God continues to bless me.
I remember being this young insecure girl growing up. I was lost, but loved in so many ways. I often struggled with not having my father in my life. I could only dream of having my dad taking me to recitals, games, and just hanging out having daughter and father bonding time. As I grew up I felt I was not enough and lacked being pretty. I was not in the popular crowd and wondered why I was not in that crowd…. what could possibly be wrong with me. I was that flat chested girl without a butt. I struggled in Math so math smartness did not exist for me.
One thing I knew for sure my mother, maternal grandmother, aunts, and uncles adored me. I meet my husband when I was in high school, and he has been by my side all these years.
I lacked confidence in high school, however it started to build in college. I started to make friends and have fun. I became independent. I started to feel good about who I was and who I was becoming.
I had my first daughter my senior year of college. It was not easy. I graduated. After graduation there were bumps in the road from evictions, repossessions, utilities cut-offs, and daycare problems. Through it all my husband and I are still growing strong.
With all those worries you would think it would have broken me in half, it did make me cry a lot of nights. I had my second daughter, and a few years later my oldest was diagnosed with autism.
I continued to work on my job with a smile sealed on my face as nothing was going on. It became a struggle carrying a smile on the outside when there was so much hurt and worrying going on in the inside. I was always the one who cared about what others thought of me and what they would say. So I would wear and say certain things to have people think a certain way about me. It was not really about how I felt about me because I did not feel good about me, it was how others validated me.
I got to the point of accepting who I was and what I wanted for me and my family. After I did that everything else fell in place. I went back to school and graduated with two MBA degrees and found a nonprofit to assist parents who have autism children and provide opportunities to low income females.
It was years later I resigned from my job to care for my daughters. They needed more attention than I was given them. So now my oldest has graduated and my baby girl is a senior. Through it all I taught them to be confident in themselves. I continue to teach them to trust in themselves and to do their best in whatever they do.
I am grateful everything worked out. I am at a point in my life I really don’t give a damn what others think and say about me. It took a long time for me to get to that point after giving others a lot of my time and trust. I gave so much trust to others it became a downfall. Now I am very careful who I provide it to.
I am strong and confident in who I am and what I can do for me. You will find me working a lot on my two business. You will also find me taking a lot of pictures of myself because I am a Badass Golden Warrior. I post a lot of pictures on my IG page so follow me there @shawonnicas.
I find myself to be awesome in my own eyes…I am a golden butter pecan girl with golden hair and golden glasses.