The Golden Warrior

This October I will be 45 years old. I have been a mother for 19 years and a wife for 20 years. I often sit and reflect on things that I have overcome and how God continues to bless me.

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I remember being this young insecure girl growing up.  I was lost, but loved in so many ways. I often struggled with not having my father in my life. I could only dream of having my dad taking me to recitals, games, and just hanging out having daughter and father bonding time. As I grew up I felt I was not enough and lacked being pretty.  I was not in the popular crowd and wondered why I was not in that crowd…. what could possibly be wrong with me. I was that flat chested girl without a butt. I struggled in Math so math smartness did not exist for me.

One thing I knew for sure my mother, maternal grandmother, aunts, and uncles adored me.  I meet my husband when I was in high school, and he has been by my side all these years.

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I lacked confidence in high school, however it started to build in college. I started to make friends and have fun.  I became independent.  I started to feel good about who I was and who I was becoming.

I had my first daughter my senior year of college.  It was not easy. I graduated. After graduation there were bumps in the road from evictions, repossessions, utilities cut-offs, and daycare problems.  Through it all my husband and I are still growing strong.

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With all those worries you would think it would have broken me in half, it did make me cry a lot of nights.  I had my second daughter, and a few years later my oldest was diagnosed with autism.

I continued to work on my job with a smile sealed on my face as nothing was going on. It became a struggle carrying a smile on the outside when there was so much hurt and worrying going on in the inside. I was always the one who cared about what others thought of me and what they would say. So I would wear and say certain things to have people think a certain way about me. It was not really about how I felt about me because I did not feel good about me, it was how others validated me.

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I got to the point of accepting who I was and what I wanted for me and my family.  After I did that everything else fell in place. I went back to school and graduated with two MBA degrees and found a nonprofit to assist parents who have autism children and provide opportunities to low income females.

It was years later I resigned from my job to care for my daughters. They needed more attention than I was given them. So now my oldest has graduated and my baby girl is a senior. Through it all I taught them to be confident in themselves. I continue to teach them to trust in themselves and to do their best in whatever they do.

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I am grateful everything worked out. I am at a point in my life I really don’t give a damn what others think and say about me.  It took a long time for me to get to that point after giving others a lot of my time and trust.  I gave so much trust to others it became a downfall.  Now I am very careful who I provide it to.

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I am strong and confident in who I am and what I can do for me. You will find me working a lot on my two business. You will also find me taking a lot of pictures of myself because I am a Badass Golden Warrior.  I post a lot of pictures on my IG page so follow me there @shawonnicas.

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I find myself to be awesome in my own eyes…I am a golden butter pecan girl with golden hair and  golden glasses.

xoxo~love~xoxo

Shawonnica S

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